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Life By The Dreams

Momming

Recently I had a minor mom fail. As in last week.

Aden is in Kindergarten and every Tuesday he gets homework that is due the following Monday. Well on Sunday’s I check his folder to make sure everything is in it that needs to be.

I know that he did his homework last week, I remember him asking me questions while I made dinner. I remember timing him on his sight words. I remember helping him figure out some sentences.

After he finishes it, I always put it back into his homework folder. Well, last week must have been crazy because I could not find his homework anywhere on Sunday. It was not in the folder. It was not anywhere that the hubby and I could see or find.

So I did what any parent would do, I wrote a note to his teacher totally apologizing for losing his homework. I offered for him to do it over again.

She is not requiring him to do it over again. But I made sure that when he finished his homework yesterday (Tuesday) that I put it straight into his folder. I even showed the hubby so we knew I did it and I was not going crazy.

I truly have no idea what happened to it, we wonder if it got mixed in with some papers we went through and threw away. We will NEVER know.

I do know that if this is the only thing I do in his schooling, I will be ok but no guarantees. I am sure I will fail much worse over the years. I have plenty of years to screw him up. Just kidding. I know whatever momming mistakes I make will be minor. But this was a learning lesson for me. Pay Attention.

Like I said I was cooking dinner so I guess I was just a little distracted when he handed it to me.

Marisa you can do better. Step up your momming game.

Thank you,

Marisa

Photo by Rick Mason on Unsplash

(Aden loves loves LEGOs, so felt it was appropriate for this post.)

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Circus

As a parent, I don’t get a lot of me time – it is partly because I don’t feel right asking others to take care of my kids. I had them, they are my responsibility. Other times I just don’t think about it or let Joel know I need it. Life happens and quite often gets in the way.

But this past weekend. I knew it was time, overdue actually for me to get away. Unfortunately with where we live and the cold months, there are not a lot of things for me to do. I looked online and saw that a movie I really wanted to go see was still in the theaters.

I chose to o watch a movie all by my lonesome. A movie of my choosing – not an animated one which is what we see most often right now. I honestly can’t remember the last time I saw a movie alone or even with my hubby.

I’m pretty sure I got to see one last year but I would really have to rack by brain trying to remember. No one wants to smell those fried brain cells.

 

Now before I get into the details of the movie I saw there are a few things I would like to say:

  • Spoiler Alert
  • I am not getting paid for my opinion or thoughts.
  • I am not a movie critic – I go for the enjoyment, not to dissect it apart.

 

I went to see:

photo credit: 20th Century Fox

Director: Michael Gracey

Cast: Hugh Jackman, Michelle Williams, Zac Efron, Zendaya, Rebecca Ferguson (White Queen – loved that show), Keala Settle, Sam Humphrey, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II and so so many more.

I thoroughly enjoyed it. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I have a musical theater background. Nothing big by any means, I just was in several musicals back in high school.

Watching this movie reminded me how much fun I had doing those musicals in high school. It kind of let me relive those moments in my mind.

Musical theater is long gone out of my life but I’ll carry those fond memories. Now a days the most vocal action I get is singing to the radio in the car or the nightly lullabies to my boys.

I could go on about the fantastic costumes and how they added to each scene (the dreary colors when he was homeless, the bright vibrant colors once his dream came true) but this movie was more then just the costumes to me. I loved the story. Now I don’t know anything about P.T. Barnum except the fact that his name is associated with the circus. So I don’t know how accurate this story, this movie is to his real life. The movie did peek my interest in possibly learning more about Barnum, I did see an autobiography on Amazon.

But sometimes going to the movies or any entertainment is about being entertained, having a good time, enjoying yourself.

I can say that I enjoyed my self:

  • The story. All the stories compiled into one big story.
  • The costumes.
  • I laughed out loud which I don’t do very often.
  • I cried.
  • I didn’t want the movie to end.
  • The singing. I got goosebumps. I’ve always loved music.
  • The dancing.
  • The confidence of the characters.

For me the movie was about hardships which we all experience in some way, the drive to work through those hardships, having a loving and supportive family.

For me the movie especially re-iterated that with hard work you can make your dreams come true. You might fall or stumble but stand up, brush off and keep trying.

My opinion may not match others but it is mine. I loved it and I can’t wait for it come out on DVD so I can watch it again and again and again.

Honestly if you have not seen it, I highly recommend it but remember I’m not a movie critic – just a semi-normal wife and mother who chose to go see a great movie one her me day.

Now I will anxiously await the release of the DVD since the likelihood of seeing it again in the theaters is slim, partly because tickets are a little on the expensive side. Maybe next time I go see a movie, I should skip the popcorn and drink – but what is a movie with out those things. So I need to start saving now for the next movie I wish to try and see.

March 6, 2018 is the DVD release date, so I will be watching the calendar. 🙂

Thank you.

Marisa

Photo by Eva Blue on Unsplash

Reading

Possible Spoilers.

I recently read 2 books in a series If I Stay and Where She Went by Gayle Forman. I love books like this because not only did they hold my interest the entire span of the book, they are very easy reads. I was able to totally get lost in them and not feel like I had to do research to look something up (something I feel like I have to do when I read historical fictions books – love books about the Tudors – but will get into that at another time).

I was able to lose myself so much in these books that I was able to read both in a span of 4 days. 465 pages total. Yes, these are not huge books. But when you work and are a mother full time, plus working on 2 projects at the same time, finding time to read is a little more scarce.

But I honestly could not put these books down and when I did, all I could think about was getting back to them so that I could finish.

If you chose to read these I can not say that you will have the same feelings, regards as I did because we all like different types of books and authors.

If I Stay – A tragic story that leaves you with questions. Questions about how much we know when we are unconscious/ in a coma. Are we still aware of what is going on around us? Does music truly help? My heart hurt knowing that all her family had died in that accident and she was wavering on the decision to stay or to go.

Where She Went – A coming back to one another. It hurt to see him so lost over losing her but he had told her that he would do what was necessary as long as she stayed. She needed time to process everything that had occurred not only to her family but to her self. She was being smothered, totally unintentional, but it was being done never the less. Her boyfriend, her best friend, her grandparents, the doctors, the therapist. Music was her true release, her escape into a place that felt no pain, neither physical or mental or emotional. I am glad they came back to one another as I loved their relationship in the first book. Sometimes people, relationships – they need time. Time together and time apart. In the end, it was the music that kept them together through the miles and music that brought them together.

To me, there is nothing better then being able to lose myself in a book, being able to feel as if I am a bystander watching all of this unfold. I have always loved reading and I do not feel that will ever go away, it will just slow down over the next several years as I continue to raise these crazy boys of mine, but I also hope to instill my love of reading onto my boys. So far Aden loves being read to and reading himself, I hope this continues; as for Gavin he loves to have us read to him so I feel the love is starting to show in him.

I look forward to the day that the family can be on the couch, all electronics placed to the side and we each get lost in the world of the book that we are reading. Reading time. Family time.

Thank you,

Marisa

Photo Credit: Photo by Alfons Morales on Unsplash

Snow

Today is January 17 and we are barely into Winter, not sure what the rest will hold.

Today was a Snow Day for myself, my boys and my hubby. I originally had the day off to take the Little Man in for an appointment for his ears – to have his tubes checked. Well that was cancelled so I will have to reschedule that for another day.

We found out last night that the schools would be closed today. So I would of had to stay home if I had not already had it off.

The hubby tried to go into work this morning. The kisses goodbye were given, he left through the garage. I heard the garage door close and I went about feeding the Little Man. Was just going to be a normal stay at home day but then I heard the garage door open. It made me stop, it made me think. What the heck was going on? Next thing I know the hubby is walking through the door.

“Babe, it is a no go for me. Can’t even get out of the neighborhood because of the ice on the roads and I was not the only one having issues. There was a small box truck and a van trying to turn around because we can’t get out. I was slipping and sliding just trying to get back to the house.”

So it ended up being a snow day for all of us. We all finished up with breakfast, got dressed as best we can to go have some fun in it before the sun came out to melt it.

You see we live in the South, Georgia to be exact. A lot of people tend to make fun of us when we close our business and our schools for a little bit of snow. But I think a lot of people don’t realize that we are not equipped to handle this type of weather. We don’t have the trucks to salt/ sand the roads as needed, we don’t have the tires to grip the roads, we don’t have chains on our tires, we don’t have the coats/ gloves/ hats to allow our children to stand out and wait for their buses. These are just a few I am sure there are more that we just don’t have.

But I would rather have my family safe and sound. Yes, I may be using up vacation days sitting at home. Yes, it may seem like I can get out and do stuff, but when the roads are dangerous, my house is safe. The local Sheriff’s office (as of 4:45pm) had already reported 41 accidents dealing with the ice on the roads. 41. Just the county that we live in. I have no idea what the counties around us are dealing with because I know some of them got hit worse than we did.

I would much rather have my family safe at home then possibly in a car that slips on the ice and one or all of us get hurt.

At this moment, I have no idea what tomorrow holds in regards to if schools will be open, the issue I see happening is the sun came out to start melting some of the ice/ snow but it is not going to get above freezing so the ice/ snow will just re-freeze to the roads and we may have to deal with this again tomorrow.

Let me tell you some stories of previous snow issues we have had. Stories of people I know personally.

  • Recently, as in a few weeks ago, maybe a month by now. There was a snow storm that came through. It did not effect us but I have a friend that got over 6 inches of snow, I know others who got close to 10 inches. Power went out for days. Not horrible but it is a lot for the south.
  • A few years ago, remember Snowmageddon. Well, there was a lot more snow this time, over a larger area. Of course worst in some places than in others. There where school buses that were unable to make their drop offs and kids were stuck on buses for the night. There were kids that were stuck in schools for the night. There were people stuck in their cars over night with nothing to eat or drink or ways to keep warm. I actually had a friend who was stuck in his car for almost a full day over night (don’t remember the exact time frame).
  • Snowmageddon – my hubby was coming in from a family funeral. Had actually arrived in Atlanta but because the airport ran out of de-icer for the runways, he had to be re-routed back to Charlotte, NC – where he got stranded for a few days. I was at the airport waiting to pick him up. He was able to call me as soon as he knew they were being re-routed and I immediately left. What normally takes about an hour or so to get home, took me over 2 hours. I had to get my dad to go get Aden from daycare since I had no idea when I would be able to get him. Luckily I made it to my parents to get Aden and then home, where it was the 2 of us for a few days.

So I guess you can say that I would rather places be overly cautious. But that is just me. But I will continue to read peoples comments on social media as to how they think we are ridiculous for our over abundance of caution.

I am going to sit and read a book, play with the kids, make dinner, get a fire going. Enjoy an extra day to spend as family because we know those are few and far between.

Thanks,

Marisa

Edit: @11:00pm I was on social media just now and saw a report that stated that a nearby county had 600 accidents due to the snow/ ice today. 600. I can not even believe it.

Photo Credit: Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Pause

I apologize for the slight pause in writing that I took. But with the holidays and my old computer crashing and needing to make sure to save everything I needed off there – then ordering a new one. Life has been a little crazy.

Life appears to be on the course of staying a little crazy for a bit.

I have the boys who keep me well entertained and busy (Aden is in Kindergarten – homework). I am still writing for that online magazine. I am going to get started on a project for a friend before the weekend is out. I am working on some other things.

But I hope all had a great Christmas and Happy New Years.

I hope to be able to get back on the track of writing these weekly blogs that I have all of – like 5 followers. But I guess that is better then none. Got to start somewhere.

Thanks for sticking it out with me and hope we will have a great year ahead of us filled with all kinds of fun, adventure and exciting things.

Thanks,

Marisa

 

Edit: I should really do some research sometimes. I actually have 18 followers. Way more then I thought. I appreciate all of you.

Photo credit: Photo by Pana Vasquez on Unsplash

Gifts

The Christmas season is upon us.

The season of giving.

The season of togetherness.

The season of love.

The season of family.

The season of decorating.

We have decorated our house, not to the full extent as we have in the past as we tried to make sure everything was “Gavin-proof”. So far he does not seen as into touching anything but we have yet to put the ornaments on the tree – hopefully that will be something that we do this coming weekend.

As the Christmas season gets closer and closer, I am grateful for the gifts that I have every day.

The gift of life.

The gift of breath.

The gift of sight.

The gift of my husband.

The gift of my kids.

The gift of my family.

The gift of my friends.

The gift of having a job.

The gift of having a dream come true.

The gift of being able to work towards other dreams I have.

Sometimes we get so caught up in what can we purchase for those in our lives. Will they like it? Am I spending enough? Did I put enough thought into it? Don’t get me wrong I have these same thoughts but sometimes it is nice to be thankful for the gifts we have each and every day because there are so many people out there that don’t have it as well as we do and yes there will always be those who have it better them us.

I am like any other person/ woman out there, I like gifts, I like to be surprised. We need to not take these moments for grated. The gifts that come daily and the gifts that someone put a lot of thought into and thought about us as they picked out that special object.

As this season continues upon us, take a moment and think about those not so fortunate because they are out there and they are grateful for the gift of waking up. The gift of breathing. The gift of having loved ones around.

Take a moment to think about those who may be missing someone in there life.

Take a moment to think about those who may not be able to afford gifts, decorations.

Take a moment to think about the fact that every day you are gifted with something, we just tend to not think about them as they are the “norm”.

I am not saying to not buy gifts for your loved ones, but realize that any gift from the heart is meaningful – price, size, quantity does not matter. It is the thought, the effort, the love that matters.

I will send the next few days thinking about gifts to purchase my family but I will also think about the gifts I have and I will help those less fortunate when we can.

Thank you,

Marisa

Grateful

Today is Thanksgiving. The time of lots of food and time with family followed by getting ready for some shopping. No I am not one of those who goes out Thursday evening/ night but I do brave the crowds on Black Friday.
Every year I see people writing what they are thankful for – I get it, it is that time of year. But this year as the holidays near, my heart hurts a little knowing who is forever missing. My Drake.
This year I wanted to take the time to tell some people close to me why I am grateful for them – I could go into all kinds of details as to why I’m grateful for these people.
I’m choosing to say why I am grateful for them in regards to all they did for me during that time Drake was in the hospital. Maybe it is my way of saying thanks because I honestly don’t remember if I ever thanked them for all they did.
I’m going to apologize now if anyone feels I forgot them, please know it was not on purpose, it is just some of those days are a blur of sadness and tears.
– Joel: I am grateful for being with me every step of the way during that hard time. No one had any idea what we would be expecting and I am so grateful that I literally had you to lean on and to go through all the sorrow and hard decisions with. I could not have done that alone. I am grateful that we allowed this to make us stronger as a couple instead of pull us apart.
– Mom – I am grateful that you were able to be there with us each and every day and I am grateful that you understood that sometimes we just needed to be with Drake as a family of 3. I appreciate all the help that you personally gave me during the time I had to take care of me in regards to the fact that I had just given birth.
– Dad – I am grateful that you came as often as you could, after work and on the weekends. I am also grateful that you decided to memorialize him with your Peanut tattoo.
Shannon – I am grateful for you coming as often as you did, which seemed like everyday or close. I am grateful for the meal train that you organized with our friends so that was one less thing we had to think about after Drake passed away.
Rachel – I am grateful for you coming up every weekend to be with us and help us.
Iris/ Jim – I am grateful for the fact that you got Jim’s deployment changed so that you could come down and meet Drake and spend time with him and us.
Uncle Ronnie – I am grateful for you making the trek all the way down here to lend us your support during this difficult time.
Nicole/ Kevin – I am grateful for you guys coming down to meet Drake and showing your love and support for us during that time.
My Boss – I am grateful that you put our minds at easy by letting me know that where I needed to be was by my son’s side and my job would be safe until I could get up the courage to come back.
Nurse Tracy – I am grateful for you being one of the best nurses he could ever have. You treated us so well during such a hard time. I am grateful that you came to be with us on your day off when we chose to take him off his ventilator.
All the other Nurses – I am grateful for all the help that you provided our son during that time, the kindness you showed him.
All the other People who thought about us – I am grateful you took the time to think about us in our time of need and tragedy.

So this years I’m thankful but I am also grateful because all though I miss him each and every year (holidays being hard) – I am grateful for the time I did have with him because I know there are others who did not get 12 days with their child, their baby.
As you are enjoying family and food time, take a moment to remember/ think about the family members who are missing.

Much love on this Thanksgiving,
Marisa

Props

Mad props.
I mean mad props to stay at home parents and single parents. This coming weekend I will get my second taste of what you guys deal with on a daily basis.
My first attempt, I remember leaving me quite exhausted.
My kids are fairly good but it is still hard to take care of them both by myself. I don’t know how you do it.
So mad props to you guys. (Me clapping.)
The hubby left today and will not be back until Saturday. With Aden in school, we are unable to pick up and go as frequently as before. We do not want him to miss any days unless necessary.
There are plenty of days I wish I could stay home with Gavin and be able to do more with Aden and his class, stuff around the house, projects I have, etc.; but since I work and I need to work in order to help pay those pesky bills, I can’t stay home and I can’t do everything with Aden’s class – although I do try to do as much as I can.
Yes, yes I want to be one of those moms.
Anyways back to me giving mad props to SAHPs and single parents.
These 2 weekends I am only getting a small taste of what you guys do daily.
It is definitely hard taking care of both the boys by myself and I can only do as best I can. Now that Gavin is more mobile – he is all over the place. Mr. Independent.
I love my boys with all my heart.
So this weekend I will be doing my best to keep them alive. Just kidding. I am an old pro at that. But entertained. That is a matter into its self.
I need to see if there is anything going on that I can take them to. Try and entertain them for a few hours if possible. If not I need to think of ideas around the house. Time to put on my thinking cap.

Now to help keep my sanity, I am currently baking. Baking what you ask.

Yep, some yummy brownies. Don’t tell my hubby cause there is no guarantee that there will be any left by the time he gets back home. Haha.

I know this is a short post because in the end there is not much I can say since I am not a stay at home mom, just wanted to give a quick hand to those who do.
Now I am going to go enjoy a brownie or two or the whole pan.

Thank you,
Marisa

PS – Recently I had 2 articles get published.
http://stillstandingmag.com/2017/11/fear-of-forgetting/
http://stillstandingmag.com/2017/11/am-i-dead-inside/

Done

Recently I was asked:

– Are you going to have anymore kids?

– Are you pregnant?

I was asked by the same person (thanks mom 🙂 love you) – one question right after the other. The answer to both is a resounding NO.

I get it after we had Drake and Aden, we confused her so she’s unsure if we are really done this time or surprise you might be a grandmother again.

But this time it is the truth.

How did we confuse her you ask?

I will explain that and why we are now officially done adding to our family of 5.

CONFUSION

Joel and I from the beginning of our relationship knew that we only wanted 2 kids – the typical boy and girl. But when Drake passed away we were devastated to say the least but we were left in a bit of uncertainty.

You see when a couple makes a decision on how many kids they want – they never ever think about what happened to us occurring. We never did so when Drake died, we were left in confusion. We wanted 2 kids. We had one, so would the next be our last. We knew there would be no answers at that moment.

But here we were – we had a child but we didn’t have a child.

Then Aden came along. Technically he was our second but the only one here. So do you start to see the confusion that was playing in our minds. 2 not 2. 1 not 1.

After Aden was here for a couple of years, Joel and I sat down to discuss

– Did we want more kids?

Answer was still confusing. At that point in our lives, it was decided that we were not going to have any more kids – we thought we were done. But you see there was a reason that we made that decision at that point. Joel was in the middle of getting his masters degree through online classes and quite often on the weekend I would have to keep Aden out of the house for several hours in order for Joel to do school work. That would have been very hard to do with 2 kids in tow.

At that time no future kids was the right decision but we had also discussed that we would not do anything permanent to not have kids at the time just in case we changed our minds later. Hey we are adults, we are allowed to change our minds if we so desired.

As Aden got older and I got older, I realized that I did want to have another baby. I wanted 2 to hold. 2 in my arms, 1 in my heart. Talk about trying to get up the courage to talk to your hubby about that. It took me a few days – maybe a week or so. I had no idea where he was. After the original discussion the baby topic had not been brought up again.

So we talked (we talk about almost everything – it is who we are as a couple), we both wanted another baby. 2 here. 2 with us. So we went from having 2 kids to having 3 even though the world only sees 2.

Once it was decided that we would try for another baby, we did give ourselves a deadline as to when to be pregnant by because we were not getting any younger. As it was with the other 2, it did not take us long to get pregnant with child. Gavin. Our little man.

DONE

I know we are done having kids for a few reasons:

– We are not getting any younger – we are both 36.

– We always wanted 2. 2 here with us. We now have 2 with us.

– Physically I am unsure how my body would do with a 4th pregnancy – you see I’ve had issues with each of my pregnancies.

Would I love to have more kids? Yes. I love being pregnant. I love babies/ kids. I love my boys. But we are at a good point in our lives. Content.

With our 3 boys our lives are full and we plan to enjoy every moment of it. (We know the delicate balance of life.)

While we may have changed our minds in the past.

While we may have confused people. (Sorry mom.)

While we love our boys.

While I would love more.

We are done. No more kids for us. Because these 2 keep me on my toes. They exhaust me. In a good way, but still exhausted. I am happy in my life. I will always wish for the one missing but I have realized over the years that wishes don’t always come true and there is no turning back time.

So until next time,

Thank you

Marisa

 

 

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