Recently I was asked:
– Are you going to have anymore kids?
– Are you pregnant?
I was asked by the same person (thanks mom 🙂 love you) – one question right after the other. The answer to both is a resounding NO.
I get it after we had Drake and Aden, we confused her so she’s unsure if we are really done this time or surprise you might be a grandmother again.
But this time it is the truth.
How did we confuse her you ask?
I will explain that and why we are now officially done adding to our family of 5.
Joel and I from the beginning of our relationship knew that we only wanted 2 kids – the typical boy and girl. But when Drake passed away we were devastated to say the least but we were left in a bit of uncertainty.
You see when a couple makes a decision on how many kids they want – they never ever think about what happened to us occurring. We never did so when Drake died, we were left in confusion. We wanted 2 kids. We had one, so would the next be our last. We knew there would be no answers at that moment.
But here we were – we had a child but we didn’t have a child.
Then Aden came along. Technically he was our second but the only one here. So do you start to see the confusion that was playing in our minds. 2 not 2. 1 not 1.
After Aden was here for a couple of years, Joel and I sat down to discuss
– Did we want more kids?
Answer was still confusing. At that point in our lives, it was decided that we were not going to have any more kids – we thought we were done. But you see there was a reason that we made that decision at that point. Joel was in the middle of getting his masters degree through online classes and quite often on the weekend I would have to keep Aden out of the house for several hours in order for Joel to do school work. That would have been very hard to do with 2 kids in tow.
At that time no future kids was the right decision but we had also discussed that we would not do anything permanent to not have kids at the time just in case we changed our minds later. Hey we are adults, we are allowed to change our minds if we so desired.
As Aden got older and I got older, I realized that I did want to have another baby. I wanted 2 to hold. 2 in my arms, 1 in my heart. Talk about trying to get up the courage to talk to your hubby about that. It took me a few days – maybe a week or so. I had no idea where he was. After the original discussion the baby topic had not been brought up again.
So we talked (we talk about almost everything – it is who we are as a couple), we both wanted another baby. 2 here. 2 with us. So we went from having 2 kids to having 3 even though the world only sees 2.
Once it was decided that we would try for another baby, we did give ourselves a deadline as to when to be pregnant by because we were not getting any younger. As it was with the other 2, it did not take us long to get pregnant with child. Gavin. Our little man.
I know we are done having kids for a few reasons:
– We are not getting any younger – we are both 36.
– We always wanted 2. 2 here with us. We now have 2 with us.
– Physically I am unsure how my body would do with a 4th pregnancy – you see I’ve had issues with each of my pregnancies.
Would I love to have more kids? Yes. I love being pregnant. I love babies/ kids. I love my boys. But we are at a good point in our lives. Content.
With our 3 boys our lives are full and we plan to enjoy every moment of it. (We know the delicate balance of life.)
While we may have changed our minds in the past.
While we may have confused people. (Sorry mom.)
While we love our boys.
While I would love more.
We are done. No more kids for us. Because these 2 keep me on my toes. They exhaust me. In a good way, but still exhausted. I am happy in my life. I will always wish for the one missing but I have realized over the years that wishes don’t always come true and there is no turning back time.
So until next time,