I can only remember 2 surgeries that I have had my whole 35 years.
- Getting my wisdom teeth removed.
- My c-section for Gavin.
So I say that I have gotten off pretty well in not needing lots of surgeries or any major surgeries.
With my wisdom teeth, I knew it was coming. I just did not have the room for them.
With my c-section, it was more of a surprise. But a necessary none the less.
BUT when your child, your baby is the one needing the surgery (no matter how simple it is) you feel lost. No one ever wants their child to have to get surgery.
Yes, this is minor compared to others.
Yes, this should be quick.
Yes, this is necessary or we would not be having it done.
Yes, I will be there when he goes in and when he comes out.
It still does not mean I have to like that this is going to happen.
It still does not mean I have to be ok with it happening.
It still does not mean I am looking forward to it.
In fact, each day that we get closer, I get more nervous and more anxious. Just this morning on my way to work I felt sick to my stomach. Keeping busy allows me to keep my mind off of it.
Tomorrow is Thursday. The day before his surgery. The day before.
On Friday, we have to wake up super early to get to the hospital in Atlanta. I am grateful that I do not have to do this alone. (Did I mention that this is my 10 year wedding anniversary as well.)
Friday – Gavin gets tubes in his ears. We were able to avoid that with Aden but with Gavin the ear infections are just so much more worst. Aden would get one and an antibiotic would make it go away. With Gavin, he had one ear infection that went through 4 rounds of antibiotics before it finally went away, we had his hearing tested and since he still has liquid on the ear drums, his hearing is effected. Then last Friday I took him for his 9 month appointment to find out that the ear infection is back.
I know we need to do this for him so he does not have any lasting issues.
NO matter how much this is necessary, it does not mean I have to like that my baby is going to have surgery. I know that this has been done more times then I could ever count. I know people who have had their child get the tube surgery. No one will ever say that they liked their child having surgery no matter what kind it is, we will accept that it needs to be done but we fear the unknown and the what ifs.
I love my boy. I would take this if I could. This makes me a mother I guess.
Sometimes I wonder if I fear things because this is what all mothers do or if I fear things a little more because of what I have been though. I may never know.
PS – I am hoping in the blog or so to talk about putting one of my dreams into action and the annual fundraiser we are planning for Dragonfire.