I started this blog with my first post about 2.5 months ago about dreams that I have and that I have not told anyone about.
I still am working towards making them real/ reality but I have come to realize that as I work on these goals, I can see possibly why I may have given up on previous dreams.
Getting burned out.
Wondering if I am just wasting my time.
Worrying that I am working so hard, but for nothing to come of it later.
I am afraid of burning myself out and wanting to drop my dream/ project into the black hole of nothing with all my other lost dreams, thoughts, goals. Never to be thought of or worked on again.
I started to feel a little burned out and once the burn out got to be a bit much, I decided to take a little break from working on my dream. Nothing long, as I still wanted to be able to get all my thought, ideas, etc down. I would write myself notes to work on later, but I took a break. Roughly about a week or so. Surprisingly that was enough this time to recharge myself.
You have to understand that once I had this goal in my mind, I truly worked on it in every spare moment I had, which was not often considering I still needed to be a wife, mother and employee. I would work on this dream/ goal during lunch, for a few minutes in the evenings. Truly every spare moment I could.
But when this burn out hit, I was not ready to give up my dream, I just knew that I needed a little break. Sometime to breathe, sometime to read, sometime to work on other things I had going on (ie. registering Aden for Kindergarten – which I am totally not ready for, but I need to suck it up as he will be going whether I like it or not; trying to plan our vacation this year – which happens to be our 10 year wedding anniversary as well; trying to figure out what we are doing for our annual fundraiser – I will tell all about this in another blog; just regular life stuff).
Well my break is over, by my decision and I have started working back on my dream. Since I was so close to getting burnt out so earlier, I have decided that I will work on it but not to the extent that I was. It may take me longer, I may need to take a few more small breaks, but I really want to finish this dream. I really want to see it come to reality. I want to see my dream come true. I want to see what I can do with it.
I will continue to work on it and maybe one day I will be able to share what it is. But for now it is for just me to know. I guess you could say I am still afraid of failing and for others to know I fail. If they don’t know about it and I fail, then am I a failure in their eyes? If I fail, I only have to face myself in the mirror. I will work on making it come true, but sometimes there are unseen factors – I don’t know what they are at this time, but I will navigate those as they arise as best I can.