Lately I have noticed that there have been somethings on my mind, maybe somethings is a bit vague. A lot of things. I am truly all over the place, especially with Thanksgiving right around the corner.

I could even tell you all the details of everything running around in this brain of mine, boy is that hamster exhausted – I need to feed him some Wheaties as the rest of the year will be the same. We all know after Thanksgiving is Christmas and as much as I love me some holidays, they can be exhausting.

But I digress.

I, like anyone else, have dreams, wishes, thoughts, concerns. But lately dreams have been on my mind – the one I gave up, the one I work on daily and the one that has been apart of me for as long as I can remember. Eventually I will tell you all about the dream I gave up and the dream I made into reality.

Today is about the dream that has been apart of me for as long as I can remember, but here comes the fun part. I have no intention of telling you that dream. You may be asking why is she going through all this to not even tell us her dream. Well let me see if I can explain in the best way possibly.

I have not told friends, nor family. Not my kids (although they are young). Not even my husband.

Why?

Have you ever had something that you wanted to do some bad and you started working on making that dream a reality. You told everyone around you and they seemed so happy but then nothing happened or it took a long time to make it reality. Did you ever thing they gave up on you or started to think you couldn’t do it. These could have all been thoughts in your head but sometimes that is all we need. Those demons in our head to make us fear. Fear of what others would think about you or your dream. Did they think it was stupid? Did they doubt you?

Sometimes we are our own worse enemy when it comes to the what ifs.

I guess you could say that I fear the unknown. I would rather carry on with my dream alone. If I don’t tell anyone and I fail, no one can look at me as a failure. If I accomplish my dream, everyone can celebrate with me.

I truly felt that this was something that I needed to do but do on my own. (Much like starting this blog.) I may be scared out of my mind with taking on this dream (even this blog), but you know what. I have to start somewhere. I have to try because this is that important to me. If I fail, I can at least say I tried but I would hate myself for not trying. Will it hurt me to try? Not physically, maybe emotional (it all depends on if my dream becomes reality or not).

Maybe I feel I will fail and it will be on me and no one else. I feel that even though everyone around me loves me, maybe I will come across that one person who will think what I am doing is stupid or not worth the time. You fear what people will say so if you keep it inside and work on it alone, you can only fear yourself.

Well I have feared myself long enough it is time to take this dream into my hands and see what I can spin out of it.

Hopefully one day I can share with you what this dream was, hopefully it will be as a dream turn reality instead of a dream turn failure. But only time will tell.

Thank you,

Marisa

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