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Life By The Dreams

Boys

This is more a statement post, I am by no means upset or mad about what I am about to share – just confused a little, wondering if people need their eyes checked. Hmmm.

Ok, now to get down to the nitty gritty.

I have boys. 3 boys. All boys. No girls. The likelihood of me having girls is slim. Very slim. I will go into further details later in this post.

To reiterate in case you did not see or read it in the line above. I have all boys. 🙂

You may be wondering why I am telling you what you may already know (only if you have read other posts by me). I promise I have a good reason why I am telling you.

It appears that quite a few people think that I have girls. I know crazy right. I have no idea why they think that but I am going to give it my best shot on guessing the possible reason.

With Aden, he has been around a little longer, but we frequently get asked if he is a girl or they will say “she” or “her” – it has gotten to the point sometimes we correct them and sometimes we don’t. All depends on the situation and where we may be at the moment that it occurs. Actually it has gotten to the point that Aden has started making sure people know he is a boy. He will introduce himself and then let whomever he is talking to know that he is a boy. 😉

Aden, I can only assume it is the long curly hair. Yes, he has gorgeous blue eyes but boys have been known to have pretty blue eyes, but you don’t see many boys with long hair, much less long curly hair like he has. I ask him ever so often if he would like for me to cut it or trim it. But he is adamant that he likes it the way that it is. So I leave it alone. (The other day at summer camp/daycare, it was crazy hair day – he informed us that he already had crazy hair – curls.)

He wears boy clothes and shoes. So I am unsure as to why he gets mistaken as a girl.

Now as for Gavin, don’t even ask me why he gets confused as a girl. Currently his hair is straight, although I have a feeling it is going to curl in time (Aden’s did not curl until close to his 2nd birthday). His eyes are a bit darker then Aden’s, but yet again there are boys/ men with blue eyes so I doubt this is it. I really have no idea.

In fact, it happened today. I took Gavin to a doctor appointment this morning, we did a little shopping and then we had an early lunch. As I was paying, the cashier leaned in and said:

“I just want to double check, is this a little girl.”

I was quite shocked by this because Gavin had a Beatles onesie on, jeans (it has been raining a bit the last few days and so the temperature was a little chilled – gotta love that Georgia weather), and loafers that have dinosaurs on them (and a rhino – that is another story). She even pointed out that she loved his shoes prior to asking me if he was a girl.

Now I know that a girl could wear these items as well, but in most cases – I said most – parents of little girls tend to dress them in outfits that make you aware it is a little girl – plus with all the bows and such.

I have no idea why people tend to lean towards my boys being girls, I actually currently find it funny and I hope that my boys will as well. But as they grow older their features will change from the soft and fine features of little boys/ babies into more masculine features where they will not be confused as girls any longer. (Super sad face.)

Maybe this is just the past repeating itself. Why might you ask? For a long time, as in until I was 3, I was often confused as a boy. I had little to no hair till about 3. Even when I wore pink frilly dresses and had my ears pierced. I guess it is a tradition. Ha-ha.

Now to get back to that topic I was so fleeting about earlier – the slim chance of having girls.

  • First, I am already batting 100 in the boy department.
  • Second, let me explain the male line on my husbands side.
    • Joel’s dad is one of five – all boys.
    • Joel’s generation, he is one of nine – 6 boys and 3 girls.
    • My boys generation, they are three of eight – 7 boys and 1 girl (to date).
  • So as you can see the male line is strong with this clan.
  • There is also the fact that we are done – no more kids for us. We are complete.

I will continue to be asked if we are going to keep trying for a girl and I will keep replying with “Nope, we are done”. I don’t quite understand why people feel that just because I have all boys I have to have a girl. Yes, I would have loved to have had a girl – but in some ways I am glad I did not.

One, I have never been really girly. I have always been more the jeans, t-shirt, converse kind of girl. Not sure what to do if I had a girl. I guess we could take some makeup lessons together and some hair styling lessons together. I know nothing about these. Currently my make up routine is chapstick. Yep, that is all. My hair routine, I am currently growing it out as I have had it short for many years now, I flat iron it in the morning and a way I go.

Second, I have had girlfriends that have had girls and I have gone shopping for them. I would be broke if we had a girl – all the adorable clothes and shoes. Sigh. Boys – jeans or shorts, shirts or onesies, shoes. I am not even going to go into all the things out there for girls. There is just TOO much.

Third, I have had 3 boys. I know boys. I can do boys. I have everything for boys. (Or I did, since we don’t plan on any others, we are selling as Little Man grows out of it.)

Again, just a quick note, those two adorable cuties in the picture, they are boys. 😃😃😍

Thanks,

Marisa

 

 

Writer

This blog started back in November 2016, as a way to have some fun and some accountability for myself as I work towards a goal of mine. A dream of mine.

I had decided from the get go that I would do one blog a week, to give myself time for all my other adventures in this life.

Well sometimes it appears that something special, something great is going to happen in my life that I feel I need to write an extra blog that week. It has yet to happen in the 6+ months that I have had this blog BUT TODAY, today something happened. Something that I want to share. Something that I am so excited about.

I hope that you are as excited for me as I am that I am getting this opportunity.

You could say my dream has come true – I know right. CRAZY. I wrote about a dream in 2 blog posts, never giving away what they were – now is the time.

The time has come for me to tell you my dream.

I hope you are ready.

My dream was to become a….

WRITER!!!!!

My dream has come true and this is how.

Back in mid-May, I came across a Facebook posting for a online magazine that deals with child loss and infertility (I have read some of there articles), they were looking for new writers on a volunteer basis (yes, I would not get paid – but I would get experience, examples of published work, share my loss/pain/grief with others, continue to try and turn my tragedy into a positive and the 2 most important things I would get — I could say my dream came true and I could say I am a published writer). If you wanted to try and be picked to join the writing team, you had to email an application with certain information that they were requesting.

If you know me, I have very low self-esteem, I just do – not really sure why. But I saw this post and I thought about it all day. And I mean ALL DAY.

When I got home, I looked at the information again that they were requesting and I figured ‘What the hell’ – all I can do is send in my application and see. If I don’t get it, I can say I tried and maybe that would be enough for me to try again some where else.

So I did it, I sent in the information that they required which was not much:

  • 3 writing samples (Thank you to my blog),
  • a paragraph on how I lost a child,
  • a paragraph on why I wanted to be a writer for them.

Soon after the deadline (end of May), they did an updated post letting everyone know that if they contributed an application it would be a few weeks – as they had received 100s of applications that they would need to go through to determine who to invite to join their writing team. I had no idea how many people they are looking at to add to their team. ( I still don’t know.)

I chose to not tell anyone that I had done this, I guess it was part of that if I fail, only I know. I didn’t say I always have reasonable thoughts.

This was constantly and I mean constantly in the back of my mind. There was not a day that went by that I was not wondering when I would hear something, because I assumed they would be letting those they wanted know and those they politely declined know.

Days, weeks went by with out hearing anything no emails, no communication.

I started to get a little doubtful that I had been picked. I did not have experience like many others, I do it because I love it and I want to. Because maybe one day I can make it into more.

Well, this morning I woke up and checked my phone to see that I had gotten an email from someone I was unfamiliar with but I recognized the Subject Line (it was the same subject line that I had to use to send my application). It actually took me a minute to open it. I went as far as to place my phone back on the nightstand for a moment because I had no doubt in my mind that this was my “Thank you for you application but at this time we do not feel you are a good fit for our team…” or something along those lines.

But knowing that I had a response was nagging me in the back of my head, I knew I had to open it and read it. I had to know one way or another. So I did, I started reading it, trying not to rush through it… I started reading the first sentence and I just knew that the ‘thanks but no thanks’ was coming. Can I tell you how I felt when I read the following sentence…

“We are thrilled to extend an invitation to join our writing team.”

I got an email from the Founder and Editor of the magazine saying they want me to write for them – write my experiences with my loss, my grief, etc.

Do you guys know what this means? I was chosen out of 100s of applications to join their team.

I am going to be a writer.

I am going to be a published writer.

Let me say that again…

I AM GOING TO BE A WRITER.

I AM GOING TO BE A PUBLISHED WRITER.

(insert happy scream here and maybe a little happy dance)

My dream is coming true.

I get to share my loss, my grief, my sorrow with others as they share theirs with me.

I get to help those who have gone through loss or are going through loss down the path of grief.

Again I can not begin to tell you how exciting this is for me. I have been on a high all morning and I hope to stay there for a while.

Now I have to let them know that I accept the position, write 2 short bios – one for their website and one to go at the bottom of my articles.

I also have to get a headshot done. 😏

I am so excited you guys.

I am going to be a writer.

I am going to be a writer.

I don’t know when I will be able to stop saying it.

I am going to be a writer.

Ok, I will stop for you guys but you better believe it is still going on in my head.

Thank you,

Marisa

PS – There are some other aspects of trying to be a writer that I am working on and maybe I can share those with you when I feel the time is right.

Collection

Last week I talked about my Groot collection, figured this week I would talk about my Funko Pop collection. Keep the topic going at least for these 2 weeks, who knows what will happen next week. Another collection I have. Oh, what could it be. Other topics that I have written down as possible post. Oh, are you interested. Good, cause I have a notebook, I am writing ideas down in, so I could possibly be good with topics for the rest of this year and maybe even into next year. How exciting. It also helps that I have limited my post to once a week, I could write more often but the life of being a mom, wife, employee, co-founder, etc can make things pretty crazy for me – so I limit to once a week. Sorry guys.

So sorry that you guys only get me once a week, but how exciting it must be when that Wednesday comes. 🙂

As for what I decide to write about, I just run with what ever decides to come out (at least for the most part). Some post, I decide to hold on to until a later date. I am weird. If you don’t know by now, then just wait – more posts from me and you will see the strange/ craziness of me come out. I have also been known to have my silly side, I haven’t found it or seen it yet – but others have said they see it. Who knows.

Ok – enough off topic, on to today’s post.

I have the 2 Baby Groot Funko Pops (which I did not include a picture of since they were in last weeks post). These are the other Funko collections that I have. I have one complete collection and I have a collection I am trying to complete. Then just a few what I will call odd pieces, where I only have one.

I know, I am going to repeat something I said last week. It may appear that I am crazy to be collecting them at my age. No harm, no foul. Lol.

Ok the first collection (seen below) is my Twilight series. Yes, I love the books. Yes, I love the movies. No I am not on Team Edward. No I am not on Team Jacob. I am on Team Stephanie for writing books that I fell in love with and could get lost in. (My one requirement for books, I just want to get lost in great writing. Even if for just a few moments.) Luckily I do have the whole collection in this case. Yeah. It might be the only collection I may ever have that I have all the pieces to. I am realizing that these Funko Pops are very popular.

Funko - twilight

My second collection is the NEW Beauty and the Beast based on the live action movie. I got to go see the movie in theatre twice. Yes, I paid twice to go see it. Once with the hubby and once to get some me time. I also bought the Blue-Ray/ DVD the day after it came out. I liked it that much. All in all, as of the date of this posting, I have seen this movie 4 times (the 4th time being earlier today). But back to my collection (see below).

The first picture shows the normal size Funko Pops that I have. I hope/ wish I could finish out this collection but it appears that may not happen. There are 10 total in the collection, I have 7. The 3 left that I need, all of them are exclusive – as in they were only sold at certain stores. Unfortunately it appears I jumped on the band wagon a little late to get certain ones. I will be looking to see if I can find them to add to my collection.

As of today, I had my sight on one of the exclusives I needed to add to my collection but I will get to that in just a minute. I swear it was in touching distance. I could have touched it, it should have come home with me. But alas, I had to leave it there, but like I said I will get into that in a moment.

The second picture shows the Beauty and the Beast Mystery Mini collection. These are packaged in a box with no indication as to which one you will get. Funko Pop made a regular 12  count series for sales but they also made a special 12 count series for Walmart – which took the last 3 out of the regular series and placed them with exclusives. I know there goes those dang exclusives again. I swear.

I have 10 out of the 12 of the regular series and I do not have any of the exclusives. I hope to finish this collection, I may be able to finish the regular series out but I am unsure if I will get any of the exclusives as I am having a hard time finding the Mystery Minis at Walmart.

You may be wondering what I do with the extras that I get as you know it is going to happen when you don’t know what is the box. Well Aden has decided that he wants my extras, so he has a small collection of these himself and if we have any extra extras, well currently those are sitting on a cabinet in Gavin’s room. But it is just 2 Lumieres. I am not sure what I am going to do with those yet.

The last picture. So sad. I had it in my sight, I could have touched it. This is the Walmart exclusive that I needed to try and finish my collection. I found it through Walmart online, ordered it and went to pick it up today. As you can see in the picture the box was squished and had a sticker on the top. Since I have chosen to not take mine out of their boxes, I wanted a box in decent condition, it did not have to be perfect. I got my money back (I was told that Walmart did not deem this as damaged and so they would not order me another) and as soon as I got home, I went online to their website to re-order – only to find out that they are out. (Insert super sad face here.)

I am disappointed that I don’t have it and it may be that I never get it as other people are charging a small fortune (that I don’t have) for them. I am also disappointed that either Walmart felt it was ok to ship it to their customer in this condition or that they allowed it to get damaged in transportation. You would think that they would be more careful with peoples orders. Oh, well. There is nothing I can do now. I will keep an eye to see if at any point I can find it at a reasonable price to add.

My third collection. Not sure you could call it a collection as I only have one out of each set. The Harry Potter was given to me for Christmas from my Aden. He was very determined (according to Joel) that I needed to have this one. ( He knows I am a big Harry Potter fan – what can I say – another series of books and movies that I thoroughly enjoyed reading and watching. I would say so because every time one of the HP movies is on TV, we kind of have to watch even though we have seen them LOTS.) This Funko and the Christmas one of Baby Groot were my very first ones (I think – old age is catching up with me – mentally at least, I do have a few gray hairs, so maybe physically as well). They started my addiction. Hmm, Pops are kind of like tattoos, you can’t have just one. Or is that chips. Either way, I think it applies to both. Heehee.

As for the Wonder Woman, I got smart while I was at Walmart today. Saw that they had some out for Wonder Woman (the latest hot movie – yet I have not seen it – bad Marisa). I did not look through them all, although now that I think about it, maybe I should go back and see if there are any others I want. Anyways, I saw that this one was a Walmart exclusive, so I snatched it up. What with the way that I have been seeing how the exclusives are flying off the shelves, I figured I better grab one up. Better yet, I might need to go back and see if I can get another and try and sell it for a small fortune. Because this is how it seems with all these “exclusives”. Who knew.

Well now that I am in the Pop world, I guess I need to make sure that I move on any Pops I may want asap. Heck, if there is a chance I don’t want a certain one, I may still need to move on them quickly so that I have time to think about if I really want it or not, then if not I can sell later. Right? Anyways. I would like to add to both of these collections, I am unsure if I want the full collections, I will need to check the back of the boxes to see what the full collection entails.

Funko - odds

I am sure that as time goes on, there will be other Pops I get and add to my collection. Maybe years down the road, I may have to do an updated Collections post, to see where I am at that point. Hmm, we will have to wait and see. For now, I will also pack these away (with all my Baby Groot items) for safe keeping until the time comes to get them out and put on display.

You may be wondering why they are not on display now and they are hiding in some box in the depth of my closet at the moment. Well, I have a very good explanation for that. We are hoping to move in the next couple of years as we are running out of room in this one. What. This is our first house. Our starter house, we have been in it for over 10 years. So 10 years, 3 boys, 2 cats and a whole lot of just every day stuff, has meant that we are running out of room. So I have no where to put them on display at the moment.

Oh you might be wondering what this last picture is of and why I did not write about this collection. Well, this is not my collection. This is the hubby’s. Yes I have a few, maybe like a couple more then he does.  🙂 But I asked if I could share his as well. I have no clue as to the logistics behind his collection. What he might want to add? I have no idea. What collection he wants all of? I have no idea.

All I know is that he wants these and a few others he has mentioned. Maybe he will have better luck at getting the ones he wants then I have at getting the ones I want. Fingers crossed.

Funko-Joel

Wow, I just looked at my word count for this and it may be my longest post to date, but I have no plans to go through my others to see if that is correct or not. I can tell you that I was not expecting this post to be this long. A few pictures here and there, a few words there and here to describe what I had.

So if anyone reading this, my guess few to none (yes I have low self-esteem – it happens) – anyways, if you read this and come across the Beauty and the Beast Pops based on the live action movie, I still need #248, #249 and #251 to finish out my collection. I have done some looking and wow, ebay is expensive. I have a hard time paying like twice what they sell/ sold for at the stores. Maybe that makes me not a true collector. But dang, I can not spend that much. Probably has to do with all those years my parents instilled saving my money into me. Oh, well. If that makes me not a true collector, then so be it.

Thank you,

Marisa

Groot

Baby Groot actually.

Ever since I saw the movie Guardians of the Galaxy, I have liked Baby Groot.

Don’t get me wrong Big Groot is funny and he saves everyone. But there is just something about Baby Groot.

Small fascination. But how could you not. He is just so cute. Especially at the end when he starts dancing. So cute.

Some people might find this a little crazy. This strange and sometimes a little crazy (Ok, a lot crazy – geez) 36 year old woman has a collection of Baby Groot items. As you can see in the picture, I have a few and I am pretty sure that there are others out there that have a much bigger collection then this.

Baby Groot

I actually have 3 other Baby Groot items not in the picture. The main one is the Dancing Groot car charger and guess where it is. If you guessed in the car. Ding, Ding. You are the winner. LOL. The other 2 are: a Baby Groot in the pot that hangs onto my ear buds and a little Baby Groot that hangs out on my computer at work.

Yes it may be a little weird that I have this collection at the ripe old age of 36 and I hope I might get more to add to it, but the way I look at it is:

Yes, it is weird. (Too some.)

Yes, it is crazy. (Too others.)

(But I have heard of weirder and crazier collections. Maybe I should look them up one day. Or maybe not, I am not sure if I would get grossed out or not. Yep, that is the better decision – no research = no grossed out. I am sure you can use your imagination on what some gross collections can be. Wait let’s play it safe no research, no thoughts, no imagination.)

Yes, I have a little crush on Vin Diesel. (Shh, don’t tell him. 😀 Like he cares. LOL.) I mean he is hot in that bald, very muscular way. Oh wait he is bald and very muscular. 🙂 (We all have a celebrity crush – don’t act like you don’t have one or have never had one. Wink, wink.)

Yes, I might have a celebrity crush on Vin but he is no Joel. (Love that Joel.)

I could collect other things. (What, who knows.)

But my little collection is hurting no one.

I like them.

I enjoy trying to add to it.

I am not spending any one’s money but mine, sometimes the hubby’s but only when he gives them as gifts.

My son Aden loves them just as much and he loves getting them/ giving them to me. Talking to me about them. Wanting to see them.

I think if we all really thought about it, there might be one thing that we collected that others thought might be a little crazy. A little odd. (I use to collect Archie comics – oh, I could do a post on that – I have LOTS and now I am trying to get rid of them.)

But we are all a little odd.

A little crazy.

A little weird.

Sometimes.

All the times.

Surprisingly, this is not my only collection. I have a few others (and one of them has to do something with Vin in a non-direct way – but you will just have to wait to see what that might be). I will probably post about them over time as well. But since the second movie is out (I have yet to have a chance to go see it yet) – I thought this was a good opportunity to share.

So I will leave you now to go put my Baby Groot collection away, don’t want anything to happen to it. And yes, I have no immediate plans to open any of the items you see in the picture much to the disappointment of Aden. (But I know his tricky ways of getting you to open up your present/ item, which just so happens to be a toy in some manner, so that YOU can play with it. Ha. That is what he says. But somehow it becomes his toy. Now how does that work. That boy has some tricky methods up his sleeve and you never and I mean never see them coming. I got my eye on you Aden.) 🙂

Thank you,

Marisa

 

Birthday

XXXVI

Thirty-Six

36

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned the BIG 36. Most days I feel fine, of course not as young as I once was of course. But fine. Most days. Then there are the days I feel OLD. The noises my body makes when I move. The fact that it is harder to get up from being on the floor playing with the boys. Having to chase after them. (Now I know why we have kids when we are younger, can’t imagine doing all this if I was in my 40s.) Certain aches and pains I get. The gray hairs I have, just a handful at the moment. But I know more, many more are to come and I don’t have the $$$ to color my hair unless it is out of a box. 😉

Now I don’t think I am necessarily heading towards the grave tomorrow but I can see and feel that I am no longer in my 20s. I am 4 years away from being 40. The BIG 4-0. (Insert fainting here.)  Ahh. Just kidding.

Birthdays. When we were younger, they were so much more exciting, so much more thrilling. We looked forward to them. We were excited for them. Now they really just feel like any other day of the week to us. It is much more exciting as a parent to watch my kids (right now Aden but Gavin in a few years) get excited about their birthdays, their parties. Last party I had, I was somewhere between 17-18 (can’t remember exactly) but I do remember it was a surprise party that my bestie threw.

Hmm, it has been so long since I’ve brought in a birthday with a party – maybe Joel and I should do a combined 40th in a few years. He’ll be 40 25 days after I turn 40, yep I am a cougar, I robbed the cradle. I think I’ll give that some thought. (Do we have enough friends that would even come – a thought for another day.)

There are times I really think about how old I am – they don’t come up too often as I do stay pretty busy with everything I have going on. I do need to figure out where the time is going so fast, we think of that in relation to our kids a lot but have you ever thought about it in relation to your own life. Ohh, I got you thinking didn’t I.

I’m 36.

I am 36.

I AM THIRTY-SIX.

Wow, how did I get here. 36. Wasn’t it just a few years ago that I was graduating high school, a few months ago that I was graduating college (with an associates degree – I know 😦 I do think about going back to get my bachelors but unfortunately you need $$$ for that and we don’t have it – I can continue to work on my other dreams and try to make them come true).

Sorry about that digression.

Wasn’t it just a few weeks ago that I got married and a few days ago that I was having babies. We did wait a bit to have kids, Drake was born when I was 30. But time tends to fly no matter if you watch the clock or not, because if you watch the clock you will blink and then time has raced by.

I am f..fo..fou..four years away from being 40. I guess I need to start saving now to go into an old folks home. 🙂 Just kidding. They say that 40 is the new 30, so I guess that means in 4 years I will be 30. Again. Haha.

But yes, yesterday was my birthday. I am now 36. One year older. One year wiser. (Maybe.) I did have to work but sometimes we have to adult. I got a few items I wanted (which may be the topic of next weeks post – oh what will I be writing about, what did I receive) and some super yummy cupcakes that I will also be partaking on tonight. Too bad I have to share them with the hubby and Aden. Good thing I love them so much. 🙂

Let’s make some birthday wishes come true.

PS – I make 36 look good. LOL. (Here I would post a picture of myself but I am not crazy about pictures of myself – another day, another blog.)

Thanks

Marisa

Aden

After telling you all about Drake’s pregnancy, I knew that I would get to the other 2 boys and today is about Aden. Figured I should go in order. 🙂

My loving little boy who loves all things boys.

Rocks.

Bugs.

Space.

Dinosaurs.

Red Jeeps.

Most of all he absolutely loves his brothers.

Just last night he was sad because he missed Drake. So I asked “why”.

He said, “I want to keep him.”

Just breaks your heart hearing that. We have explained what we can to him to help him understand what happened to Drake but Aden is 5. There is still a lot he does not know or understand because like I said he is 5.

Alright now on to his pregnancy/ birth (as each of my boys had to have their own story).

We got pregnant with Aden the January (I was due in October) after we lost Drake, we had made the decision that we would not prevent our next pregnancy, we would let it happen when it decided to happen.

As you can imagine, I had lost complete confidence in the group of doctors that had attended me when I was pregnant with Drake, so with Aden; I found a new doctor. One I talked to before even deciding to go to her. She understood my concerns and fears. She understood that I could not be lumped into the “average” woman as my last doctors did. I felt she understood me and I was extremely comfortable with her.

I started attending her practice as soon as I was sure I was pregnant, she confirmed it on our first actual visit together. She said that we would be very careful and watch this pregnancy and do whatever was needed to NOT have a repeat performance. With Aden, I had some mild nausea in the beginning, it helped alleviate it I was able to eat snacks between meals. Soon after about the 12 week mark the nausea went away and I was able to start enjoying this pregnancy as best I could. (Fear was always in the back of my mind.)

You have to realize I was still scared of what might happen at the end.

Everything was going along great until we hit the 29 week mark. I was at work and went to the bathroom to realize that I was spotting, so I called my doctor and I was told to go to the hospital right away. I was in panic mood the whole drive there, which was about 40 minutes. I called Joel and he left work to join me.

Once I was in the hospital, it was determined that I was having contractions, ones that they wanted to stop. I was given fluids to make sure I stay hydrated, I was given steroids to help with his lungs in case they were unable to stop the contractions and I ended up in labor with him, they gave me antibiotics and I was on magnesium sulfate for one day. They prepared me that I would feel like I had the flu once that started. (Not that I have ever had the flu, so had no idea what that meant.) Luckily for me I slept most of the day so I really had no side effects unless I tried to eat (nothing would stay down while I was on it). My mom came to hang out with me, to this day still not sure what she did as I was basically passed out during that day. I do remember Joel calling during his lunch and I was awake so I talked to him, or I thought I talked to him. He later told me that I made absolutely no sense whatsoever. Hmm. It all sounded fine in my head.

I am grateful that the nurses and doctors were able to get the contractions to stop. My doctor told me that the most likely cause of the contractions, was the fact that Aden’s pregnancy was close to Drake’s – there was only 4 months between the two of them. I was placed on a medication that helps with blood pressure (which was not an issue I had) but this medication also stopped my contractions and I was sent home a week after I was admitted to be confined to this house. This is how I tell people “I was confined to the house” because I was not required to stay in bed, I could move about the house but nothing too long and I was unable to stand on my feet for long periods of time.

My mom would come spend some of the days with me to make sure that I was ok and did not need anything.

The day before I had Aden, our very large kitty Ollie (short for Oliver) cuddled up next to my stomach (pictures below). You might be thinking “ahh” he is loving the pregnant belly and that he did this on a normal basis. Nope. He and I did not and still do not have the greatest relationship. We tend to ignore one another. But he spend most of that day hanging with Aden in my belly.

We did not realize till later that we think he knew I was having contractions (I did not know).

The next day, which was a Friday, I went in for what I thought was going to be a normal weekly visit that morning, I was 37 weeks (September 23) exactly. While in the exam room, the doctor had her back to me and was getting the device to listen to his heartbeat – when she turned around, she asked me how long that had been going on while pointing at my stomach. I asked “What” – I thought he was just pushing a little. My doctor said “No, that is a contraction” – boy was I shocked. I had no idea. So she checked me and said I was already 3 cm dilated and that I should be feeling the pain (I was not). She sent us to the hospital to be monitored.

So we drove to the hospital were I was admitted in to Labor and Delivery. I called my parents on the way and they made their way to the hospital.

Once I was hooked up to the monitor, the nurses would come in every now and then to check on me and see how I was feeling. The nurses would ask me if I felt any of the contractions which I did not, they would look at Joel with large eyes – he was able to see the monitor with my contractions on it and he later told me that they were big and I was still telling the nurses I was fine. Which I was. (High pain tolerance is great.)

My doctor was able to monitor my contractions from her office. Once they started to get close together she came in to check me, my parents had already arrived by then so they politely left the room so I could be checked. I was 7 cm, with very little discomfort, I was able to just take deep breathes through it. She decided to go ahead and break my water so we could finish the dilating and have this little boy.

From the time my parents left the room at 1:05, my water was broken and I gave birth to Aden, the span of time was 17 minutes. I gave birth to Aden in 17 minutes. A couple of funny parts to this is that there was a nursing student in my room along with the doctor and at least 2 other nurses.

After I gave birth, the 2 nurses turned to the student and told her that this was not normal, I had cheated.

There were also 2 women in rooms near us that had been in labor since the night before and here I come in after them and I have my baby before them.

There was a slight concern when I was contracting that Aden might be small so they were going to have a neonatologist nurse come check him once he was born. They had done an ultrasound during my contracts (which is not fun – let me tell you) – measurements thought he was going to be under 5 lbs.

He ended up being 5lbs, 11ozs. The nurse still came to check him and told us that he was perfectly healthy.

I ended up having Aden with no medication due to my pain tolerance. We learned with my pregnancy with Aden that I do not feel the contractions/ discomfort until I am literally in active labor.

We stayed in the hospital for a little over 24 hours then we were release and we brought our little Aden home.

He is now 5 and will be starting Kindergarten in the Fall. Sad. 😦

He is amazing to watch, he amazes us everyday with his questions, his thoughts, his compassion, his love, his laugh, his ….. everything.

Love that little boy so much.

Thank you,

Marisa

 

Graduation

Graduation.

I can not believe that I am typing that word.

😭😭😭

Yes, it was Pre-K graduation. But my son, my baby is moving on into kindergarten this fall. Wasn’t he just a baby that we were bringing home not that long ago. How times flies at the blink of an eye. I swear one moment you are cuddling your baby and then you literally blink and they have grown up without you even realizing it.

You wonder what happen that they are this age, doing these things, making decisions, being a little person until the time comes that they are an adult.

Yes, I was prepared to cry. Maybe I did internally but all I could do was watch my boy, send so much love to him, smile so big. Watch his classmates. His friends. Hope that we will get to see some of them in kindergarten.

But now as I sit down and write this post, I am sad. Thinking about it brings up thoughts of the future. This fall he starts Kindergarten but another blink of the eye and he will be graduating high school moving onto college – then another blink of the eye he will be graduating college and moving on to a career I can only hope that he enjoys every moment of.

If you think about it, at one time we were all children and time holds for no one. I will be 36 at the end of the month and I can only imagine what my parents feel like knowing that I am 36. Things I will think when the time comes and my boys hit that age.

Time is my enemy.

Time fades my memories.

Time makes my kids older.

Time makes me older.

Time is my friend.

Time helps you heal.

Time allows my kids to learn.

Time will be time.

Time will not change.

People are constantly telling me:

“Enjoy it, it goes to fast.”

“Do all you can when they are young because time will fly and then they have their own lives.”

I am realizing just how true this all is. But there is no way to stop how fast this Earth turns in order to enjoy more time with my kids. There is no more time, I am carving out every available moment that I can to give to them, it just does not seem as if it is enough. Is there ever enough time?

While I can only wish that time would slow down so that I can enjoy my kids, I know that is unrealistic and will never happen. I will make the most of what time I can spend with them. Doing things to remember later in life. Make memories with them. Enjoying them. Watching them laugh. Play. Learn. Smile. Cry. Get angry. Watch them be kids. (Even the annoying times.) Because as they get older, they will have their own families to do things with, make memories – I will have to rely on my memories or since I will be older and my memory will probably be crap, my blog and my journal, my pictures. Things that will never change with time, forever written down. Time stopped. Even if just for a moment. A memory.

 

Less than a week ago, I made the decision to make Aden’s teachers a Thank you gift. Well me being crafty and having my Cricut. I designed and made them cards with their names on it. I definitely enjoyed it, but I think in the future I will start soon after he starts school. It was hard getting all them done in a matter of a few days. Hey, I still have to work and take care of everyone – only working on them during my lunch or while the kids slept. I think they came out great (I might be bias), I hope they like them.

 

 

Thank you,

Marisa

Discouraged

This was not the subject I had planned for tonight’s blog but sometimes other topics just don’t want to wait. I think this topic was brought up by a memory that Facebook shared with me this morning, that I shared with my friends and family.

Please realize that these are just my feelings. My thoughts.

This is my 7th year putting on an event in memory of Drake and to help raise money for the non-profit. I know that Dragonfire Foundation has only been a non-profit since 2013 but prior to that we would have a event to benefit GMC (the hospital Drake was at).

Well this year’s event is planned, the Facebook event page is up, website hopefully in the next few days; but I’m already starting to feel discouraged. Every year we do something different, it is a way to feel out the public and what they might be interested in. But 7 years later, we are still in the same place we were at the beginning.

2010 – Drake was born

2011 – I was pregnant with Aden, so we held a get together/ raffle at the GMC Foundation office.

2012 – I had a almost 1 year old, so we brought dinner to the nurses and doctors in the NICU.

2013 – Spaghetti Lunch

2014 – Yard Sale/ Bake Sale

2015 – Butterfly release.

2016 – We collected baby blankets due to my pregnancy with Gavin.

2017 – August, we will be having a Movie on the Lawn

I have a great group of friends and family who help us out each year, others help out on occasion. But do you ever get to the point where you feel like you are asking too much of friends and family, I am starting too feel that way. Like they help me do these great events (or at least great in my eyes) only for it to go no where. No other involvement other than other friends and family.

I am just unsure how to get our organization out there more, how to get more people involved, how to get more people who want to help us reach our goals, how to get more people interested.

I feel in my heart we are a good cause and we are doing it for the right reasons. We have all these ideas to help babies and their parents; we were there, we were in their shoes – we saw what others did for us and we were so grateful for and we know this would help those going through it now. At this moment in time, I can’t put any of those into play due to we just can’t get enough donations to come in. The only idea/ goal we have been able to implement in the blankets.

I try everything I can to get us in the public eye to try and get more donations coming in but to no avail.

  • Radio – contacted several, no contact back
  • TV – contacted several, no contact back
  • Newspapers – contacted several, only had 1 great article written in our local paper last year when we collected the blankets – but nothing came of it

Discouraged.

This year I totally thought that I had hit the nail on the head with my event idea. Something fun. Something for the family. Something not too expensive for the public. Something different. This event is just starting and I can only hope things will turn around for the better over the next 2.5 months and we are able to sell each and every one of the 350 tickets we have for the Movie on the Lawn. We even picked, well Aden picked, a family movie. One that would hopefully get families out there. I still have some other advertising I can do once I get the flyers and posters printed this weekend.

I hope that it is just starting slow due to how far out we are.  I don’t want to fail at this and I fear I am. Keep your fingers crossed that this is all in my head this year and we will have a fantastic turnout.

Despair.

I try to not let it grab a hold but I am a human, I am a woman. I just feel so strongly that in a world of despair, where you hear the bad more than the good that people would want to hear how we are so desperately trying to turn our tragedy into a positive – each year I feel as if I have failed.

I do it for Drake. I do it for my love for him. I do it for his memory. I do it for the babies in the NICUs. I do it for the parents who have to leave their baby in the NICU. I do it for the parents who leave the hospital with their baby in their arms. I do it for the parents who leave the hospital empty handed.

But I have only so much strength and it appears to be failing me as I fail Drake and his memory, as I fail the other babies, as I fail those parents.

I feel discouraged.

I am discouraged.

I feel despair.

I am despair.

Some days I want to give up and I fight those days with everything I have. I fear the days that I can’t fight them any longer.

I fear being discouraged.

I fear being despaired.

I fear letting Drake down.

Today I have the strength to fight for tomorrow. I just have no idea what tomorrow or the next days will bring. Will I have the strength to fight for them? To keep fighting to try and make us a success?

I will continue to work on this year’s event to try and make it successful as I try every year. But there are many days I am discouraged, there are many days I feel like giving up and sometimes you just need to get all those feelings out to be able to move on. To find that strength one more time.

Now I will go dry the tears that threaten to fall whenever I pour my heart out whenever it deals with Drake.

Thank you,

Marisa

Crazy

Crazy might be a understatement.

People think I am crazy because of my thoughts, feelings, the way I use to dress, anything that makes me different then they are. This is nothing new. People have their own opinion.

But recently I have started to think I am crazy. Now now, let me finish my thought before you jump all over me and say “no you are not crazy”.

The crazy I am, it is good at least to me. Believe me it can get overwhelming but it is my crazy and for the most part I enjoy it.

Now that I thoroughly confused you enough, let me explain.

I am crazy.

I am an acceptable amount of crazy (at least to me).

So this is why I say I am crazy, I am one of those people that feels they need a lot going on in their lives. I guess you could say a lot of projects.

Here is what I have going on right now as I write this blog:

  • I work a normal 7-4 day job.
  • I am a wife.
  • I am a mother to 3 boys. Just because Drake is not here does not mean I am not his mother and he is not my child.
  • Gavin currently has a tooth coming is, so he needs a little extra care and love.
  • We are trying to get Aden into a better school system. We are going to put him in the school lottery to see if we can get him in the school we want or at least a school that has a better rating then the one we are zoned for.
  • We eventually want to move to get him in that school system so he can stay. (I say eventually because with the housing market on the rise, we could make a decent amount on our current home when we go to sell BUT putting that with what we have saved is still not quite enough to find a house we can afford. – Adulthood can suck at times.)
  • This blog. I know I only write once a week, you would not want me to write more then that. 🙂 I still think all week long about what subject I may entertain you guys with.
  • I started the business on ETSY back on April 23. I have not sold anything yet but it is still new and technically I have no reviews so people might be a little more weary to shop with me. But I am not giving up, I still have other invites/ cards to put up.
  • I am still working on my main dream, it is one that takes a while – especially when I only work on it here and there but that is ok, no rush (at least not yet). I hope that I can share it with all of you one day, just not sure when.
  • I have figured out this year’s Dragonfire Foundation event (August 5). We are doing a Movie on the Lawn. I am super excited about it and hope it does well and that others are as excited as I am. I just had NO idea all that was involved. I mean the screen rental, the movie license (you have to get this license to show a movie outside your home), the location (which I thought I was never going to find), sponsors (luckily I have Joel working on those letters and I hope to have them out soon), etc. (Plus a few surprises I am working on).
  • Tomorrow Joel and I will be a part of what is called a Parent Panel at the hospital Drake spent his short life at. We get to talk to the new nurses for the Mother and Baby department and the NICU, we tell them our story or I guess it would be Drake’s story, explain things we liked and did not like when we were at the hospital, tell them what we have done since them (non-profit). You would be surprised that some of them still remember us years later – we ran into one of those nurses just this past weekend at a March of Dimes walk. PS – I was pretty sore for a few days afterwards but I guess that happens when you decide to wear your 20lb baby boy. Would not change it for the world.

At this point, I truly can not think of anything else, so I may actually have it all. Or I will think of it after I hit that little button that says “Publish”. Oh well I know I have at least the majority of it down.

This may be a lot or at least for some people but this makes me happy, this makes me feel complete. Some days it gets to be too much but that is life but I truly look forward to every part of it.

Thank you ,

Marisa

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